Tuesday, September 18, 2012

Light hearted reading | Online shopping reviews

I do buy online, in fact I do buy quite a bit from Amazon, especially books and some other miscellaneous things. Having said that I also read the reviews of the products. Most are straightforward to the point, don't mess around and give the facts. Like Joe Friday.

So reviews, usually are bland. However once in a while you just spend oddles of time reading and laughing at the creative side of folk with hidden talents. Personally I think all our hidden talents would make such a better world than is presently at hand. Now where in the heck is Esther going with this well someone posted a link on Facebook this morning pointing to the Amazon reviews on of all things 'Bic' pens. Not any old Bic pen you must understand, but 'Bic for Her Fashion Retractable Ball Pen'

The low star comment read as follows:

2.0 out of 5 stars THEY NEED TO PUT A WARNING ON THE PACKAGE, August 21, 2012
This review is from: BIC For Her Fashion Retractable Ball Pen, Medium Point, 1.0 mm, Assorted-Fashion Ink, 2 Count (FHAP21-ASST) (Office Product)
I know it says "for her" on the package but I, like many, assumed it was just a marketing ploy seeking to profit off of archaic gender constructs and the "war of the sexes". Little did I realize that these pens really are for girls, and ONLY girls. Non-girls risk SERIOUS side effects should they use this product. I lent one to my 13-year-old brother, not thinking anything of it, and woke up the next morning to the sound of whinnying coming from the room across the hall. I got out of bed and went to his room to find that my worst fears had been realized :

MY LITTLE BROTHER IS NOW A UNICORN and it's all my fault. Sure, you'd think that having a unicorn for a little brother would be great but my parents are FURIOUS - I've been grounded for a MONTH!!! They made an appointment for him with our family practitioner, but I'm not sure it'll do any good, and they told me that if it couldn't be fixed I'd have to get a job to help pay for his feed and lodging D:

I repeat, boys, DO NOT USE THIS PEN. Unless you want to be a unicorn, and even then be careful because there's no telling that you'll suffer the same side effects.


(I'm giving it two stars because even though they got me grounded, the pens still write really nice and bring out my eyes)

The high star comment read (man's opinion)

5.0 out of 5 stars Well suited to make markings, August 27, 2012
This review is from: BIC For Her Fashion Retractable Ball Pen, Medium Point, 1.0 mm, Assorted-Fashion Ink, 2 Count (FHAP21-ASST) (Office Product)
"Wife", I said, "If you could have one new fashion accessory to go with your Snooki's Sultry Hobo Handbag what would it be?" Finally, her dreams can be realized. I'll have to teach her how to use a pen safely but it will be worth the effort once she starts earning big bucks addressing envelopes at home.

The product itself came two to a package as advertised and both of them contained ink so you don't have to worry about making your own. They really retract although the ejector plunger may wear as the wife practices pushing the ram. Also, the roller ball on the one I broke open was 1.2 mm (which rounds down to 1.0 mm) so it may be a little too heavy gauged for a female beginner penslinger. I think the balls are made out of tungsten carbide although the lab results won't be ready for several weeks. The ink pH, viscosity check, and appearance fell in line with manlier inks although the pink ink was a nice "for her" customization.

Overall, these pens are well suited to make markings on paper and other materials! A felt tipped pen would probably have been a better choice for beginners as there is less chance of eye damage. Of course no pen is truly eye safe. You can get around this by purchasing a good set of safety goggles for her before letting her hold the pen.
Help other customers find the most helpful reviews 

Runner ups are many, and all delightful for the most part, no bland reviews here:

193 of 196 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars Strong enough for a man, but made for a woman..., August 27, 2012
This review is from: BIC For Her Fashion Retractable Ball Pen, Medium Point, 1.0 mm, Assorted-Fashion Ink, 2 Count (FHAP21-ASST) (Office Product)
After having gifted this precious item to my love and seeing her properly drawing unicorns and fairies for the first time (previously you see, it was as if the other pens--my pens--would take over and draw muscular mutated beasts with great big fangs and saddles loaded with projectiles and an assortment of cutlery not suitable for any kitchen work!), I thought to myself, maybe she's born with it? maybe it's BIC! I couldn't wait for her to show off in front of her friends--and indeed she did, inflicting them with such jealousy leaving them no choice but to beg their husbands for enough spare change to purchase some of their own.

But that's when it hit me. Deep down inside, I was desiring a bit--or I dare say--a lot of what they had experienced among themselves. So I did the unthinkable. I bought a set for myself. My love asked me what on earth I was doing with another set of "for her" pens and I immediately snapped back, "they're for our daughter!" But she reminded me, we don't have a daughter. Alas, I was caught in my own web of lies, and holding the pens, I broke down crying like a little girl--the little girl we didn't have, except in my own heart. I wept with my dearest until I felt closure from it all and finally came out! I gently grabbed the flower-templated paper I purchased with the pens and began writing in big smooth curvy letters--not the crooked hasty one's I was used to all my life with those blasted man pens; and drawing horses and poodles--not the tall one's mind you, but rather the cute little ones--and then heart shapes and innocent love letters (not the raunchy hair-raising instant-blush & faint one's I naturally spun out of a man-pen) and my poetry was filled with a noticeable feminine charm. I loved it. It felt so natural. Yet so guilty. Guilty, for having taking it from whatever poor woman came to the store that day to find the shelf depleted, and for my own self, for having given in to the temptation of experimenting with a different orientation. I had to confide in my best friend. He took me by surprise by confessing to me first that he was swept up by it too! The pen it was, so sleek and fragile, we fell in love with its delicate charm. And we knew we couldn't go back to those so-called "man pens" anymore, except of course, in the presence of those yet still unenlightened. So we decided to educate the society around us one at a time, bit by bit, until it becomes acceptable for a man to write both ways. My friend Butch took his pen out shopping, making note to sign his name with the new pen wherever he could, shoving it into the cashier's face, to read, to weep, and to give in to it also. "You should have seen him!" Butch cried happily, "When I retracted the pen tip in front of one of the cashiers, he became weak at the knees and whipped out his pen as well, shouting with glee that he was not alone, no more." A round of pens for our friends! And I here tell the tale of the love of two men, seized by a stranger as it were, much closer to the bosom than that which we had been raised to believe was only proper for a man. So my final words to all women, let your man experiment with them too, and don't feel ashamed or guilty if you see him do so, but give him the privacy he needs until he is strong enough to wave his pen out in public without any fear and without any shame. I've gotten too choked up to go on!

UPDATE: Butch's wife filed for a divorce, citing that he keeps taking all her pens as if that's irrational behavior. Thus, I had to knock the pen down from five to four stars, not out of any weakness in of its own delicate nature, but due to its seductive charm, too potent to resist. My marriage is still intact, but I suspect my wife has gone back to another pen, a man's pen--the other day she said I've been thinking through my pen too much and she needed the assurance and security of a stronger pen that can write boldly in times when she needs that testost--I mean ink, whilst I have forgotten how to weld my own!
If you wish to read more laughter on the 'Bic for Her' just click and scroll down to the reviews. Happy writing.

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