Sunday, February 10, 2013

Three Negronis Later

And I am writing, I should have written before drinking, but I'm sure it matters not one whit. Now or later it's going to feel the same.

Our little doggie BeBe is quite ill, we finally took her to the emergency clinic in Chico today. Two nights and days of being poopy and sick. Pancreatitis is back and apparently what miniature schnauzers get quite often via DNA about 30% of them get ill.

BeBe and Natalie
What is a wake up call for me is I miss her so much today, she lays in her bed near my computer and art table, she snores, she doesn't care that I am creating or making money on the stock market. She grounds me.

She, I bought a few months after my Father's passing, I needed someone, something that I could cuddle, hug, talk to without judgement of any sort, very selfish. But this is what my Father gave me throughout my life. Never judge me, never imposed his ideals or thoughts on me, and expected me to live his type of life, and we were so different.

He was the most loving man for his wife, his family, and yes most importantly to me. William Blackwood Lawther, you won't read about him in history books or anywhere. But he was important. He would be gone for months down to Bletchley, England. He was stationed in Sierra Leone during WWII (I always wondered why Africa?) He was the last man left on the outer islands in Scotland after WWII and thought they (government) had forgotten about him. He was special in more ways than one. He kept secrets, he held those important to him close, he cared in what was a simple way, but complicated.

So back to why I am writing this note, BeBe was bought because I needed her to help me with the passing of my Father. Today she is in the hospital, and very ill. I am back to 2004 when I didn't deal with my Father's passing, I need to deal with life in a different way I need to hold memories dear and not fall apart.

I've dealt with death before, the passing of my Daughter Kimberlie at a very tender and young age (but I was immature in age and mind, I didn't grasp fully the loss) I dealt with my Mother's passing but I had my Dad to lean on. I leant on BeBe I now need to lean on myself, and grow emotionally.

Or else!!

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